On the brink of a new service launch this weekend. I must confess the angst to believe the lie that my faithfulness and obedince to Christ somehow works itself in large amounts of people coming to our Church. It is too easy to find myself in light of the fullness of our sanctuary rather than the fullness of everything that I already have in Christ. The on going pursuit of a filled Sanctuary has been not for your glory, though I have said this, but soley for my own regard which has led to my own demise. It has brought me greed for more, but not for You, for more people to serve me. My desires have not always been for the crowds to meet with you, as much as they have been to serve me and make me feel like I am doing a good job. Forgive me God for my passion for filled seats as a means to satisfy the emptiness I feel inside. The emptiness of never feeling good enough, smart enough, effective enough. In you I believe, now help me to know the fullness of joy in the now, a place where you are. And when Satan tempts me to measure my worth in chairs filled may your Spirit gently remind me that I am already Yours. Forgive me in the moments my title veils the broken child I am. Forgive me for disclosing my brokeness to Your body, one of the means by which you make us whole. Help me to see the Pastorate as Your way for me to become holy and sanctifed, a pleasing sacrifice for You and Your bride. May I never peddle Your holy Church for personal gain, but rather serve her in sickness and in health, full or empty, forsaking all others, till death brings us You. And when my eyes scale the chairs may I see only You.
In Your beautiful Name I Pray, Amen.